Waiting
by Spokenvoice
Summary: Catherine's waiting for what may be the end. She's sat, alone, scared and lost... she can't understand. All she can do is beg that she doesn't lose her forever. The result of a shift gone wrong. CSR don't like don't read. T just for FF


**Waiting**

Not sure I'm happy with how it came out, may alter it a little but… I don't know. This is CSR so if you don't like don't read. The song used is DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE's 'What Sara Said'. Just a little something that was bugging me so had to get it down on paper. Here it is let me know what u think! Thanks.

_And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground as the TV entertained itself_

We were all here, all of us. Sat here in the god damn waiting room, we are in the plastic chairs all in our own heads. Worrying, hurting, scared! Hours, minuets – Days! God damn it I don't think I'm even sure how long it's been anymore. Time isn't even an aspect because I know, to us all it feels like forever since you were dragged away from us. They haven't spoken much, none of us have. There was the TV in the corner that flashed and let out a low drone that was lost to everyone – I couldn't tell you what was on it… I was to busy looking to the floor, at my blood stained shoes.

_It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds_

I would have cried, if I wasn't so god damn scared. I mean, here I am in the hospital waiting room, doing just that… _waiting_ to see if you're still alive of if…we…if I … have lost you. And you know what it is that is scaring me… that I'm sat trying to remember that gapped toothed grin, that knowing look you gave me when I went too far…that sarcasm. Trying to remember your beautiful face as you looked up to me the first night we'd spent together… and it's broken, fragmented…its wrong. It's just not right. What if I can never remember it…what if I never get the chance again? What if tonight I'm about to lose it all?

_There's no comfort in the waiting room just nervous pacers bracing for bad news_

The guy are pacing, waiting to see if the nightmare we all fear every day is about to come true. Our job is our life, but this, death; it's the price that we hope we'll never pay. I price _I can't watch you pay… just let me take this. You pay next time._

Just like the coffee, before shift, I know you'll fight. You'd never let me pay would you? But please just this once! We try to calm ourselves but you'll never know – I hope you never know – just how hard this is. Not just for the team, not just for the family, but for me – your love. You're the person I lean on when things get too rough – but you're not here in this waiting room and for the first time since I met you I've never felt so alone. I don't want this to be it – the end of us! Because baby I don't think I can live without you.

_And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself that I've already taken too much today_

I watched you take a bullet to the chest – baby - I watched you tumble to the floor. Blood seeping not only from the gaping wound in your chest but also from your mouth as u gargled out a last _I love you. _Choking on the crimson life that was seeping away slowly - I saw it, your eyes grow heavy. I pulled you into me – I pulled you close – holding you gripping on. I begged, screamed, prayed, cursed, and pleaded to so many gods. Just wanting one of them to answer me, to make it all better. No god replied… you faded away. I've been through too much today Sara…don't leave – I can't face you dying on top of everything else. I've taken to much – you're death would take me to. It hurt for me to take a breath knowing that you might be taking your last.

_And then the nurse comes 'round and everyone lift their heads_

_**I took my last breath**_

Tears came through; I turned into the chest of whoever was at my side. Warrick wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to him letting me cry. The nurse had that pity filled look. I hared Greg arguing with her, telling the nurse she was wrong and I hared Nick crying behind me. Grissom placed his hand on my back all the support he could manage. The others in the room dealt much the same as I did – they broke down and cried for the friend, the colleague, the sister, the Sara that we'd all lost.

**My soul mate, my lover, my forever was gone.**


End file.
